The Loss of a Child

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss awareness month. My prayers for the parents that have lost a child. I consider a child to be from the moment of conception. Why do I believe this. Some may say I am brainwashed since I am a christian & that is what a christian believes. God does say in the Bible

Jeremiah 1:5

 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; 

Psalms 139:15-16 says 

5 My frame was not hidden from you

   when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

   were written in your book

   before one of them came to be.

And as a christian I believe this but science also backs this up. If you have ever been with a woman early in her pregnancy and seen an ultrasound you will see a beating heart. You can hear the woosh, woosh, woosh, of the beating heart. As the child grows you will see it wave its hands, kick it's feet, flip over, turn its head. So from conception to delivery it must rely on its mother for survival.

When someone very dear to my heart was pregnant with her first pregnancy I was with her for her first ultrasound at about 6 weeks and this little bitty baby had a beating heart. I could have sat and watched & listened to that little heart beat all day long. However within a few days it stopped. Never to beat again.

It wasn't long before she & her husband created another baby. After 8 weeks this child's heart stopped beating as well. This same thing happened a third time for them. Each time I watched the beat, beat, beat of their child's heart. This was the same beat, beat, beat, mine and yours does. The only difference is they were beating within the womb. They needed their mommy to survive. She would protect them and provide everything they would need the best she could until they were big enough to survive outside.

Many tears were shed for these three little ones. The questions as to why was this happening over & over again. The advice of several fertility specialists was sought to answer the "WHY" question. Finally doctor had an answer. "Your eggs are immature and we can help you when you are ready to try again." Music to the ears of a young woman and her husband. HOPE had been given that they would have a child of their own. He would need to run tests to find out why the eggs were not maturing. Tests showed mommy was missing a hormone needed and she would only need to take shots of the hormone when she was ready.

The excitement was in the air. The time became right that they would try again. Baby making was to commence. A week of shots. Measuring of the eggs to see if they were mature enough. Then a shot to release the eggs. Then mommy & daddy would take over from there. Prayers were said that this would be it if a child would be created. I still laugh at them taking several pregnancy tests knowing they had an appointment later that week. After a few days the test showed positive. YEAH. Now to wait for confirmation. YEAH doctor confirmed a baby was growing.

By end of next week a problem had arisen, fear was setting in would this life never be.  I was blessed enough to take mommy to the ER. They took us into a room for an ultrasound. I will have to say I will never play poker with this tech. She has the best poker face ever. She skillfully did her job. Never showing any excitement or concern. Having seen a few ultrasounds before, my heart began to beat a little faster. My mind began to go a million different direction. My eyes must have been playing tricks. The doctor came in asked a few questions and she began to look at the monitor as well. I was almost afraid to ask the question that was trying to burst from my mouth. But yes the pregnancy was ok. More than ok they were counting 5 yolk sacks. Inside each of these was the beautiful blip, blip, blip of the heart beating. This was 10 days into the pregnancy. 10 Days. 3 days later we were at the doctors office where another ultrasound was conducted and they found another yolk sack. Shock and amazement is all I can say.

From that day forward plans were being made. Each of us trying to figure out how we would manage these 6  bundles being brought into our lives. After another week or too it was determined that one of the yolk sacks never developed and was absorbed. However the other 5 were doing well. We dreamt of what each one would become. What they would be like. Combination of boys and girls. A million things ran through our minds. Discussion of there schooling and more importantly their Christian upbringing. Excitement took over our lives in a new way.

Many ultrasounds were done and we watched the screen like my mom used to watch soap operas. Every movement, every kick and wave of their arms were mesmerizing. We called the one on the bottom Hoss because he was so big & had lots of room. I called one little britches because she was so small. They were all labeled A, B, C, D, & E.

Joy and anticipation of finding out the sex of each one was driving us crazy. Finally we knew A & B were boys and they would be delivered first. C, D, & E were little girls. WOO HOO!!!! Mommy & Daddy came up with names for each. Much better than the A, B, C, D, & E. More & more ultrasounds were done as the doctors needed every detail to be documented in anticipation of their birth. The doctors did not want any surprises upon delivery. They were going to be prepared for any situation that might arise. They would be ready to care for each individual need.

The entire family was keeping a big secret knowing it would not be long & we could share the surprise. Mom was put on light duty and then had to stop working. It was getting closer to the babies being viable. Each day new hopes & dreams were being made. The pregnancy was at 19 weeks only 5 more weeks & if these little ones were anxious to make their arrival, they would have a good shot at survival. However that day would not arrive. 19 weeks and 1 day labor began and went quickly. Jeremiah

fell out while mommy was in the doctors office. She was rushed downstairs to the hospital but they were not able to stop Josiah,

Miriam,

Lilyann & Phoebe from entering the world. No begging or pleading with the doctors to save them would help. They were to little survive. No medical equipment was small enough to use on them. All we could do was hold them. Love them. Watch them. The doctors said they would only live for a moment or two. That moment lasted 2 hours. you could actually see their little hearts beating. The movements we had seen on the monitor during ultrasounds we could now see happening right in front of our eyes. They opened their mouths, waved their arms & kicked their little legs. What was once safely inside the womb was now outside in our hands. And all we could do was watch as they went to Heaven. The only other time I have felt this helpless was when I watched my mother go to Heaven.

The grief of losing a child while in the womb, at birth, immediately after birth or when it is a 69 year old mother is the same. It hurts. It does not stop hurting, you just do your best to continue living without them. All hopes & dreams you had for the future died & are buried within your heart.

A year has passed and I think of them often. The what if's play over and over in my mind. What would they be doing, Starting to sit or crawl, Maybe walking. Starting to talk. If I close my eyes I can see them coming towards me calling me grandma. I can hear their giggles & can fell their tender kisses.

I can never begin to imagine the heartache of Justin & Felicia as I have never had a child to die. They have experienced loss of 3 children in the womb and 5 children to die within hours of birth.

I will not forget the beat, beat, beat of their hearts. They were. They still are just in another way.

I will someday get to see them again when I get to heaven. They will be waiting to show me around.

Strength to ask for Help

Anxiety,Worry, Nervous, Scared, Fear-!

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder-Triggered event, of something awful!

I will be the first to admit when it comes to hiding feeling, I am the first one. I am one that wants to only show the strong. I have cried or let it out, here and there. But if I don't want other to worry I will try not letting it show how sad, hurt or scared I am.

I am not afraid to say Well this could be an outcome!! It is true I always say the negative outcome, because my life has had lots of upsets. So I am prepared for the worst of anything. It is not the life you want to live. I mean always looking for the bad.  God does not allow bad, he allows opportunities to see how you will handle it. It how we grow and use what has happened to us to help us in the future.

When I was diagnosed in high school with anxiety, I thought, Oh, I worry, but I didn’t know it was actually a disorder that can affect everyday life. I mean I would worry, about everything even the small things like, checking my food over and over to makes sure it was done just right. Or if I was driving I was watching all around to make sure I was driving right. Yes I am one of those slow drivers. LOL. Trust me I would love to be the one who just goes on with their day but I can’t, because I am waiting for something bad to happen.

Is that trust in God? No its not. So I have to have strength to say HELP!!

In December 2014 and June 2015 I was diagnosed with PTSD.  I thought it was only for military people who had been in war, but I have learned it is not.  Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

When I delivered my first son during the Quints birth, I stood up in the doctors examining room, my water broke, and my son fell out and was dangling by his umbilical cord. Don't cry, I pray this doesn't scare you, but it was not easy to see. The fact is that that image will always be my first image of my son. It caused a damaging effect. At the time of their birth the doctors and nurses mentioned I might need to get some sort of counseling. The Chaplain at the Women’s Hospital offered for me & my husband to attend grief counseling. I just passed it off. I was OK. I could handle this. What was one more loss.

In December 2014 I started my first real menstrual cycle, or at least I thought that was what it was. It started getting heavier and I thought I was bleeding a lot. I went to the ER. Good thing I did. I had lost over 50% of my blood. My blood pressure was very low and I nearly passed out. I was given blood transfusions and had to have a D&C. It seems a large portion of the placenta had stayed in me when I had delivered the babies. When my doctor came in I let him know that I was totally ok never getting pregnant again and if he had to remove everything I would be ok with it. While I was in recovery he mentioned I should see a therapist. When I went to my follow up, he again mentioned my need for therapy & he believed I was suffering from PTSD. I called the name he gave me and they did not have any openings. I spoke with my Pastor & he agreed I needed to talk with someone that could help me deal with what I had been through. The problem was because I my past I only felt comfortable talking with a Christian therapist & female. The name he had was Christian but a man. Again I ignored the advice of those that cared about me.

Fast forward to June 2015, I started having bad dreams/nightmares and panic attacks. That's when my side of the family, two doctors and pastor stepped up said Yes you do need help. I am not one to ask for help, I am one that says, with God I can deal with this and move on. Which is what I thought I was doing, I guess my subconscious was saying something different. I have seen a therapist a couple of times & again told I had PTSD. After hearing some of what I have been through her comment was "And you are still standing" Wow. I am standing because of GOD. I know I cannot stand on my own. He is my strength.

So that when I realize God can give us strength to say HELP!!! I mean it does not mean you are weak, it means you are strong and realize, Hey you are not God, you are human. God gives us what we can carry. I mean I have been through not knowing my dad, abuse physically, mentally and was sexually abused, lost Ma to cancer, my birth mother died suddenly from heart attack, loss of 3 babies in the womb, watching 5 children die, and I almost died due a hemorrhage. That took me back to the moment Jeremiah my son was born. I mean after so long there is a point you start to realize, Hey I need to lean on God more than ever. I am getting so tired of being strong. I am weak and need some extra help and strength. 

So ask for help, you will see God work more. Because it shows him, you trust him enough to go to him during your more critical times.  You need GODs help. Don't ever be embarrassed to say Help me. God knows we are full of sin and don't have all the ability to handle what we go through. So when we say Help, he says I am here. He guides us to those who can help us work through our problems. He knows we are weak and he is strong. So are you ready today to say I need help. I want to learn that there is more positive than negative in life. God does offer hope, his name Jesus!


²⁵ “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
²⁸ “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Jesus Loves You

Felicia Kruse

 

Strength to Win the Battle

When I was a beginning Christian, I had started helping in the children Sunday school class at Victory Church. I was probably around 15-16 years old.  There was a 5 year little boy, who told me something, that I think about each day. It was the best advice I have gotten in a long time. I hope this advice helps you. Yes a 5 year old can give the most amazingly godly wisdom. He told me Miss. Felicia, your greatest battle, is to defeat Satan everyday. WOW! That is some strong words. But it is so true.

Everyday we plant our feet on the ground is a battle field against Satan.  Satan wants us to disobey God, so when choices lay ahead of us, he is going to push us in the disobedient direction.

We have a free will to choose what we want to do, God gives us that. The question is, are you going to choose what God wants or what you want. Sadly I have made some of those choices, I choose the wrong path. But I will tell you, It didn't take long to realize, I knew I needed to turn around.

God can give us the strength and the ability to make the right choices. That is why he gave us a guide, it’s called, The Bible. It has all the answer we need, to make the right chose.

Here are a few examples:

1) Sadly so many think it is ok to look at another person, when they are married. They think it ok to look. Well God’s word says.

Matthew 5;27-28 

 “You have heard that it was said to those of old,^[a] ‘You shall not commit adultery.’^{[b] 28} But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

2) I am one of the many who thought it was ok to make fun of someone. I will admit it. I believe we all have. You all remember that rule in school, treat others they way you want to be treated. I remember that. It was not, until I started studying the bible. I learned what is in God word, he is the one that stated that, 


Luke 6:31
And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them like

3) Also I will admit to this one, I have lied in my years. The bible also says.

Leviticus 19:11

Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another.

 

4) But most of all, the bible stated how important it is to say yes to Jesus. Because so many choose not to, their are major consequences. If you don't choose Jesus, you will be in God's jail. Yeap, Hell is God's jail, but there is no getting out.  The warden is Satan!! And when someone goes there, Satan sadly has won.

Revelation 20:15

 And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire.

 

Here is a verse about Saying Yes to Jesus! Let Jesus Win!!

John 3:16

 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

 

So see choices are all around. Yes we have free will to chose. If you are at a point in life were you have to make a choice that is hard, trust God to give you the strength to make the right one. His word has lots of example of men and women who had to make choices. It all comes down to many having to trust God to help them make the right choices. Sometime some of the people had their lives in the balances.

So are you ready to defeat Satan today? Let God be in charge and you will see Satan be defeated.

Lets Battle!! I chose Jesus!!!

Jesus Loves You

Felicia Kruse

 

 

 

Strength for the Right Words

Do you ever have the right words to say when someone/something happens? Well I hope this blog will help someone understand what to say and do when issues arise in life.

1. What to say when friends are making fun of you?
I was made fun of a lot in school. I did not wear the name brand clothes, I smelled like smoke all the time, I had learning disabilities, since I had problems reading. Kids would really make fun of me. Well this is what I learned is the best to do,  Just say the words, Jesus loves you, I will pray for you,  I forgive you and walk away.  I admit I was one who wanted to smart off back, I learned that never works. Over time I learned, spreading the love Jesus does.  Pray That God will give you strength for wisdom in handling the bullies in life. Pray for those people who are hurting you, God is the only one who can change them, We can't, I can't.  Lots of time those bullies need to be shown Jesus Love the most. Very simple, easy words, you plant that gospel seed. God can give you strength to love your worst enemies. Jesus died for All people, even the ones who hated him.

2. Parents wisdom before their race is done. What does a Parent say to their children?
I lost my ma who raised me in 2011 to cancer. Anyone who knows anyone who has had cancer, knows that is a terrible disease. It really makes people sick and you watch your loved one suffer and then you wonder why. Romans 6:23 says:  ²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. So we all are going to pass somehow and sometime. It is how we handle the situation when it comes. My Ma gave Praise to God during her time of suffering. We talked about, how God suffer much worse than her. He was beaten and nailed to a cross until death and I am suffering just from a sickness inside of me, and there is meds to help with my pain. Well those words were the words I needed to hear, because I realized she was right, Jesus did suffer more. No sickness can compare to the beating and hurt Jesus took for me, so I can live with him eternally.

3. Words to Say after the loss of parents
I loss my birth mother suddenly of a heart attack. It was a major shock to all of us. The best words I got that day was rely on God's words and promises. Yes, we can say sorry for your loss, but to be honest people get more mad over those words, why I don't understand, maybe cause that is all we now to say. I will admit I am guilty of it and always will be. But to give me a hug and say rely on the words that God has laid out for me, Plant that seed, even if those people are angry at God or others, you will remind them, that God has the words I need to hear or read. God words are meant to be shared in all of life circumstances.

4.Strength for the right time
I felt guilty that I never got the words out I wanted my birth mother to hear. I needed Kathy to know I Loved her, even though we were not close I needed her to hear that, and it was to late. So we all have a great gift in life, it called time. Please take time and tell your love ones what you want them to hear. Because in a second they can be gone. God can provide you with the strength to say the words you need to hear. We just need to take the step to tell. Before Ma passed away I had lots of time to tell her I loved her and was very thankful for all she had done for me. Most of all she knew I was Christian and she would see me again. Today I am only trusting in the hope that Kathy is in heaven, but I am not 100% sure if she truly accepted Christ. Let your loved ones know if you did put Christ in your Life, those are the best words your loved ones can hear. If they have never accepted Christ, you will show them were you will be going and how you want them to join you. Plant that seed again.

5. Strength for Encouraging Words after Addiction
I have brother, whom i love, but sadly is addicted to drugs. He has hurt so many of us. Been in and out jail. What words can you offer during this. This is the time words are not needed, it just being there. If you have a loved one who is suffering from addiction, just being there and not saying anything is the best. My brother was in jail, and my Aunt showed up to see him, and that was the best, Because she cared enough just to see him. Sometimes words need to be put into action to help others. Jesus showed action by going to the cross for you and I, that is the strongest show of love.

6.Words for the most Tragic event, The Loss of a baby or child.
 These part of the blog will be my easiest but hardest. What words to you day when a parent has just lost a child. A child is from the moment of conception. So if a child passes before their parents, they say is the hardest trial ever to endure. I have been there I have had three miscarriages and loss five infants at once, Quintuplets, they lived 2 hour before going home to be with Jesus. The best words you can tell a parents is, "I will never forgot your children, I will always remember them" Even if I lost my child in utero they were here. Don't be afraid to reminded me, hey you are a mom. when mother day or father day comes around., Call the parents up or talk them and say, I wanted to wish you a happy fathers and mothers day, I was thinking of your precious child. Those are the most awesome words. Please don't let our children be forgotten.  Don't be afraid to mention to us our children's names, when its their birthday or the day the enter their sainthood in heaven, call and just say I remember it was day for them and I was thinking of them and you all. Might sound crazy,but it  is not to us. All parents want to hear their children names even  our babies who are in heaven. This is also a time to say rely on the words and promises of God.

7 Words when someone is angry at God
I will be first to admit I have never gotten made at God, but i do know people who have. I promise GOD years ago, no matter what happen I will Praise Him. I been through a lot, abuses, loss parents, loss of children. I will say right here and now I Love my Savior and I Praise Him!!!!  Sadly so many get mad at him. When their prayer for a loved doesn't get answered, or a prayer for help in situations. When sin came into the world, sickness and heartache came into the world. GOD didn't want that, but it happened because he provided free will to choose.  Adam and Eve, chose to disobey. So God had a plan to rescues us because of this, That was sending his one and only son to die for you and I to have everlasting . So yes trials will come in our life, it is how we handle it. Like I said for each storm that comes in,  and you get through, makes you stronger. God provides that strength. So if you don't like the words, it is God's will, I am sorry but in life he has special plan for us all. The ones who accepted his will, and praise him will be blessed. I prayed for God's will to be done while I was pregnant with Quints, We made it farther then my first three pregnancies. I thought this was it, I went into premature labor, and my babies were so small they lived two hours. See I could not be mad that they were gone, because God will was done and that what I asked. So I Praise Him!!  I see sometime how it easy for people to thank God when things go their way, but when it doesn't they get mad. Well the perfect words here are, God Loves you, he a special plan,, Step back look at the storm from a third person, and you will see God working in a mighty way. Sometimes those unanswered prayers is what we need the most. Also to the ones who don't like the words "God does not give me more then what I can handle." Well I want to tell you, those are not in the bible. What is in the bible, is
1 Corinthians 10:13
¹³ No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

What GOD is saying here is,  I will will carry it, if you let me and trust me. I will bear for you, he is what will make you stand each trial when it comes. You are not alone, God is there. So I hope this helps you realize, God loves and he will carry you.

Remember when we are weak he is strong, He will carry that load!!!

I would recommend a song for you, by Leona Lewis, Footprints in the Sand.

Jesus Loves you,
Felicia Kruse

Strength for Sanctity of Life

Strength for Sanctity of Life


Psalm 139:14 NKJV
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

 A person is fearfully and wonderfully made. All people, babies all the way through the most elder person. This year Sanctity of Life is very near to me. Here is why.

Me and my husband were so ready to become parents, so we started trying, I got pregnant right away. Our first baby, o how exciting. I started having some problems went in and got to hear my first baby's heartbeat which was music to my ears, and see the baby on the ultrasound screen, all I could think was, beautiful creation of GOD . I went in for first OB appointment, doctors explain a lots of thing, but one thing that shocked me the most was what the doctor said, "Well if there are any problems you can choose to abort." I was in shock. No that is wrong and Only GOD can choose that path for any one. The life of my baby is very important to me. I mean look at this tiny baby, it had a fast heartbeat, it showed life, how can you even say that. The one thing I do remember them saying, "Well it is a viable pregnancy because it has a heartbeat." Well this is what viable means

viable-
capable of succeeding
capable of living or of developing into a living thing.

I mean it's says living, so to abort means stop a living fetus in a womb. Fetus means,
an unborn offspring of a mammal, in particular an unborn human baby more than eight weeks after conception.
So if people didn't believe it was a living fetus then why do they abort. See my thinking. Why do you abort if you don't believe it is not living.  Let God give you the strength to stand up for the ones who can't defend themselves.

The bible even states :Jeremiah 1:5
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

God has plan for everyone, and he design us to his perfection. Each person created is meant to be someone. Their life is important. You are important, so all people young and old, have a purpose here on earth.

My husband & I sadly lost our first baby, we named our baby Dani. Sadly we would lose our second baby, Arin, and our third baby Jessi. At 6 weeks they all had a had heartbeat. I was even able to record the thump thump thump on my phone & later transfer them onto a CD.

 My husband and I were heartbroken. We went to each of their common burial services, as we were there, I witnessed all theses other mom and dads and family, come and say "see you soon "to their babies as well. All theses life were important. So GOD put it upon my heart to be open about my loss and be a teacher about the importance of a life. I am proud supporter of pregnancy and infant loss awareness. No matter how small a life is, it is important to GOD.

Well soon GOD was going to show and teach me how really important life is. In June 2014 Justin I found out that we were pregnant again. At first the doctor thought I was pregnant with 6 babies, and they told me that I might be asked to have an abortion because six was too many for a women to carry.

 Just like my first three, I had said no before and I was gonna say no again. Having a baby was all my husband and I ever wanted so if GOD wanted us to have six babies, well we were going to have six babies and his will will be done. But if he chooses to take one we will praise him no matter, I was going to trust in GOD's plan. Even if my life could ended. We were very excited but very nervous. We were going to trust in GOD's plan. I was transferred to a high risk pregnancy specialist. on that Monday. Well it turned out that we were pregnant with quintuplets. Yes five babies. We were so very excited still, still very nervous. We knew that GOD had a plan for each of these babies their life was important to him. From five weeks to 19 weeks we watched these babies grow. We learned that there were  2 boys and 3 girls. Yes I had two sons and three daughters. We gave them names. Jeremiah William, was going to be born first. He would be named after his daddy. Josiah Dean named after Pa, the man who was a father to me would be born second. They would be the big brothers that would have to protect their little sisters. Miriam Faith would be born third and the first of my little girls. She was named after Ma, the woman that was more mom to me than grandma. Then Lilyann Marie would make her way into this world. She was named after my birth mom & my mother-in-law. Finally The baby of the family was Phoebe Annette. We were going to name her after my aunt.

We watched their heartbeat, we watch them grow, wave, kick and do flips. They were truly beautiful creations of GOD.

Sadly on September 17, 2015 at 19 weeks and one day I went into premature labor delivering all five of the babies.

Since they were so premature they were only able to live two hours outside of the womb. They were two of the most  most blessed hours.

I got to hold them in my arms. I watched them move their hands and feet. I could see their hearts beating. I was in awe to see such beauty. They were a masterpiece by GOD and only 19 weeks. We were told that they would only lives seconds or minutes. GOD showed up and showed off. They lived two hours. At 19 weeks they had 10 fingers, and 10 toes.

They had knees just like you and I. They had a heartbeat just like you and I. They had a smile just like you and I. They moved just like you and I did as a baby. They opened and closed their little mouths. Jeremiah was even sucking his thumb.

One of the ultrasound tech came to see me later that evening and said she saw GOD that Day. So I hope you see, as short as their life was, it was important and they were created so beautifully. Life from the very beginning can be used for a major purpose.

I understand if you are not ready to be a parent, but GOD is ready for that life to be someone. Trust me that life you don't want, God does and you can bless a couple who can't biologically have one of their own. God can give you strength.

I want end this with my favorite verse :
Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

GOD has our future planned out from the beginning.

Jesus Loves you
Felicia Kruse

Strength For the New Year

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Everyone looks forward to a new year. We set a goal at the beginning in hope of to achieve it. New Year, fresh start! But what does a person do to start a new year, when they lose someone they love, lose their job, lose their home, lose their possessions??? Some people may not even look forward to starting a new year. Well I hope this blog helps you get excited for a new year, but most of all help you understand a strength that comes from God, that can help you prepare for a new year.

This describes my 2014:  it was: confusing, emotional, tragic, eye-opening, praise worthy,
faithfully, knowledgeable, loving, caring, forgiving, understanding, STRONG! All I can say it's been the most unforgettable year in my life.

In 2014 I lost my birthmother suddenly do to undiagnosed cardiovascular disease in February. In March I lost a great Christian friend due to cancer. In May my husband became a deacon and I got pregnant. In June we found out we were expecting Quintuplets (Yes 5 babies), my Aunt Barb made her journey to heaven, three weeks later my Uncle Gene joined her in heaven. The rest of my summer was filled with excitement watching my precious babies grow from week to week. In August I would start the new school years & see the precious children in my class. They tragedy reared its ugly head on September 17. I went into premature labor. I was delivering my quints at 19 week and 1 day.  QUINTUPLETS. My babies lived for two hour before going to their home in heaven. A nurse seen God during all this, Hallelujah! For the second time in 7 months I had to plan a funeral. At the end of October I returned to my kids at the school. December came & I was trying to figure out how to get through Christmas when I started to hemorrhage, and almost lost my life.  

So if you think you had it rough, life is unfair to you, or why did that happen to you. I personally don't think of any of that. I did keep repeating to myself, "I can’t wait for 2014 to end." Then I started thinking, wait I needed 2014. No, I didn't want what happened to happen, but I needed it to have opportunity to see what God can do and will do. I have seen God work through the most difficult times for my loved ones and me. Most of all, I realize I am still standing. I am still here. I have strength from God that feels great. I am not depressed. I am not angry. I am at peace. I am not guilty to keep moving forward.  Because when I was at the weakest point, God has provided me with strength to keep standing. He reminds me there is a hope, through any loss. That hope is Jesus Christ!  I have come to realize Gods got a special plan for my life. I could have lost my life, but he needed me here to continue to spread his word. I have learned so much more in 2014 than I have in all my other years.

So you might ask, how do you Praise God through the loss of you children, how could you just say see you later to them, keep smiling, move forward into a new year and not feel guilty, and don't feel awful about it? Well I can answer that, because of the Strength that God provided for me. I ask during the delivery for God to give me strength to get through this and he did!! I am not saying this does not hurt and there are moments I miss them. But I want to be reunited with my children and loved ones that have passed on. So I am going to work more toward serving my Savior. I will work my best to make my Savior proud. Secondly, I want to make my children proud. So that is how I move forward in a new year. It is strength and going to make my goal, doing a better job serving my Lord. People’s salvation is very important, if I give up, then I could not help teach them what they need the most.  Because when I need something he has always been there and providing for me. For example, Salvation, so I can go to heaven to be with him and my babies, strength when weak, hope, love, peace, comfort and so much more. Jesus wants people to know him, accept him, so I need to serve my Savior, by telling others.

A New Year can bring an opportunity to see who God is and What he can do. Many times it depends on how you have accepted what you are given. I accepted to Praise him and I am looking forward to what more there can be. If you have lost your job maybe there is a job God has for you that’s more what you need. God knows us better then we know ourselves.

So, I am still standing. 2015- I have no guilt moving forward or worried, because, God has given me Hope for the future, the promise to provide for me what I need. Till my race is finished then I am going to be his faithful servant. I pray you can see that hope I have. Trust me; you will realize how peaceful and strong you can be. Jesus Loves you, in those trials, show him you love him and you will be blessed.

2015- Prayers for more to say yes to Jesus, for closer walk with Jesus, Good health for all, comfort for the broken hearted.

"Praise The Lord through hard times and good times!!"

Jesus Love you

Felicia Kruse

Strength for the Holiday

Isaiah 41:10: "Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand"

Holidays are supposed to be happy, joyful, and much more. Though what does a person do to get through a holiday without their loved one? In 2011 I was going to experiences my first major holiday without  the most special people in my life,  Ma who raised me and my first baby Dani and second baby Arin, who I had miscarried. In 2012 I had another miscarriage, Jessi, our third. Ma always made all holidays special. Christmas and Easter were her favorites. The hardest was not having my babies here, how was I even going to make it through the holidays year after year. Then in 2014 I experienced the toughest loss, I gave birth to quintuplets, yes 5. They lived for two hour here on earth. They were born 21 weeks premature. Also my birth mother passed away suddenly. 

Here are a three ways that helped me get through the first holiday without my loved ones and continue to get through in years ahead.

1. When my heart is breaking I try to remember what Christ did for all of us. It’s about the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Jesus would die on a cross and be risen from tomb three days later. He was sent to saves us from our sins so we can have everlasting life. So if one believes in him, they will have everlasting life. God provides me with strength to get through each holiday, because the hope of seeing my loved ones again. What a day that will be. God is the provider of peace and comfort. He knows about death. He knows we will grieve. He wants you and I to look to him for peace and comfort. He loves you. That's why he provides salvation. Turn to him today and watch what he can do for you.

2. Another form of help during the holidays is talking about your love ones. Share memories, funny stories. Honor them by making something they liked or something they cooked. God provides you with some form of memory. I didn't get to meet Dani, Arin, and Jessi, but I did get to hear a heartbeat, and see them on ultrasounds. It is not very many memories, but it is three memories that impacted my world amazingly. Strength is like a battery it needs to be charged. So God provides some good memories to help charge your strength during those most difficult times when missing your loved ones more. That is why I say, the best gift you can have is spending time and making memories. Also don't let anger and hatred keep you from making memories they will not make much of a charge. Your battery will need to be charged. God provides it!!!

3. Don't feel guilty about being happy. Your loved ones want you to be happy and enjoy yourself. Depression will only bring you down. It will make life so miserable. Your loved ones, wants you to be happy. So honor them by doing that.  Trust God to give you that charge to help you smile.

When you battle one storm, you will be able to battle the next. With God by your side, you will notice how you have the strength to enjoy and be happy. Even with the most tragic events in your life.

Jesus is The a reason for the season
Merry Christmas Every One,

Jesus Loves you,
Felicia Kruse
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