Strength to Forgive
As we were going over are Sunday school
lesson, about Joseph forgiving his brother, God put something on my heart. I
was born to a single mom, who wanted the party life, she could not even say who
my dad is. She was in and out of my life. My grandparents had to take on the
true roll of parenting me. My mom brought men into my life that would hurt me.
I am a victim of child abuse. There was physical, mental and sexual
abuse. My mother told me once that she can never say I love you to
me. This hurt the most! Some of us would say, I would never talk to her or even
her part of my life. She was always able to say I love you to the
men in her life. But God had bigger plan and I am glad I listen to him instead
of letting anger take control.
In the Bible, Joseph's brothers, were
just as awful. They threw him in a pit to die, changed their mind and sold him
instead. They told his father he was dead. Through all of this, Joseph loved
The Lord, and trusted in God’s plan. Because of his Love for The Lord, Joseph
had Strength to forgive his brothers when the time came.
Just like I would, when I became a
Christian at 16, I totally didn't understand forgiveness. I was young,
learning, I didn't know how to handle my mother. Over time I started
learning that Jesus forgives anytime we ask, and that it's important for us to
forgive the ones who have hurt us.
One day at a friend of mines mother’s
funeral, my friend’s grandmother asked me to forgive my mother. That's all she
asked from me, no prayers, just forgive. I didn’t understand how this lady
whose daughter had died in an accident could be asking ME to forgive my mother.
So I had to have Strength that day if I was going to forgive my mother. Because
I love my Lord, I knew that what he would want me to do. So I did.
Because of the strength to forgive
her came from Gods strength. I had a change of heart. My hurting heart was
turning to a heart to show God’s love toward her. She looked broken, not evil,
realizing my mom was sick, she had a mental illness. She didn't understand what
she was doing and she was doing the best she could. She needed someone to help
her. She needed someone to show her the Love of Jesus. When someone would say
something bad about her or make fun of her, it broke my heart, because she was
someone we are supposed to forgive, love and help. I wanted to stick up for her.
I admit there were times I would make fun of her too. Every time I felt sick
with myself, could not believe I didn't just stick up for her like I wanted to.
I realized I needed her forgiveness too.
Over time she and I could finally
talk on the phone laughing. She even finally said I love you. Sadly
my mother and I didn't get many years to grow even closer or even have
that mother/daughter relationship. My mother died suddenly on Feb 4, 2014.
Though I am thankful for the Strength
God gave me to forgive her, because she did get to see the Love of Jesus
through me, I believe that's why she was living and acting so humbly in last
few years of her life. I finally saw the Mom I always wanted. I can't say
though, Yes she in heaven, because she never came out and said Yes I accepted
Jesus as my lord and Savior, while I was here. But I have been told that when
she was a teenager she made a profession of faith in Jesus Christ. Even though
she walked away from God and choose not to follow him for many years. So I am relying
on the fact that she did accepted and hoping she had the Strength to ask for
forgiveness.
I am also thankful we were able to
laugh and talk after all that hurt, If I didn't forgive, I know there would have
been pain for the rest my life. So see hurt will come, but you can rely on God
to help you have that Strength to forgive, trust me once you do, peace will
come and life will be happier.
Love ya Kathy.
Jesus Love you
Felicia
