Anxiety,Worry, Nervous, Scared, Fear-!
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder-Triggered event, of something awful!
I will be the first to admit when it comes to hiding feeling, I am the first one. I am one that wants to only show the strong. I have cried or let it out, here and there. But if I don't want other to worry I will try not letting it show how sad, hurt or scared I am.
I am not afraid to say Well this could be an outcome!! It is true I always say the negative outcome, because my life has had lots of upsets. So I am prepared for the worst of anything. It is not the life you want to live. I mean always looking for the bad. God does not allow bad, he allows opportunities to see how you will handle it. It how we grow and use what has happened to us to help us in the future.
When I was diagnosed in high school with anxiety, I thought, Oh, I worry, but I didn’t know it was actually a disorder that can affect everyday life. I mean I would worry, about everything even the small things like, checking my food over and over to makes sure it was done just right. Or if I was driving I was watching all around to make sure I was driving right. Yes I am one of those slow drivers. LOL. Trust me I would love to be the one who just goes on with their day but I can’t, because I am waiting for something bad to happen.
Is that trust in God? No its not. So I have to have strength to say HELP!!
In December 2014 and June 2015 I was diagnosed with PTSD. I thought it was only for military people who had been in war, but I have learned it is not. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.
When I delivered my first son during the Quints birth, I stood up in the doctors examining room, my water broke, and my son fell out and was dangling by his umbilical cord. Don't cry, I pray this doesn't scare you, but it was not easy to see. The fact is that that image will always be my first image of my son. It caused a damaging effect. At the time of their birth the doctors and nurses mentioned I might need to get some sort of counseling. The Chaplain at the Women’s Hospital offered for me & my husband to attend grief counseling. I just passed it off. I was OK. I could handle this. What was one more loss.
In December 2014 I started my first real menstrual cycle, or at least I thought that was what it was. It started getting heavier and I thought I was bleeding a lot. I went to the ER. Good thing I did. I had lost over 50% of my blood. My blood pressure was very low and I nearly passed out. I was given blood transfusions and had to have a D&C. It seems a large portion of the placenta had stayed in me when I had delivered the babies. When my doctor came in I let him know that I was totally ok never getting pregnant again and if he had to remove everything I would be ok with it. While I was in recovery he mentioned I should see a therapist. When I went to my follow up, he again mentioned my need for therapy & he believed I was suffering from PTSD. I called the name he gave me and they did not have any openings. I spoke with my Pastor & he agreed I needed to talk with someone that could help me deal with what I had been through. The problem was because I my past I only felt comfortable talking with a Christian therapist & female. The name he had was Christian but a man. Again I ignored the advice of those that cared about me.
Fast forward to June 2015, I started having bad dreams/nightmares and panic attacks. That's when my side of the family, two doctors and pastor stepped up said Yes you do need help. I am not one to ask for help, I am one that says, with God I can deal with this and move on. Which is what I thought I was doing, I guess my subconscious was saying something different. I have seen a therapist a couple of times & again told I had PTSD. After hearing some of what I have been through her comment was "And you are still standing" Wow. I am standing because of GOD. I know I cannot stand on my own. He is my strength.
So that when I realize God can give us strength to say HELP!!! I mean it does not mean you are weak, it means you are strong and realize, Hey you are not God, you are human. God gives us what we can carry. I mean I have been through not knowing my dad, abuse physically, mentally and was sexually abused, lost Ma to cancer, my birth mother died suddenly from heart attack, loss of 3 babies in the womb, watching 5 children die, and I almost died due a hemorrhage. That took me back to the moment Jeremiah my son was born. I mean after so long there is a point you start to realize, Hey I need to lean on God more than ever. I am getting so tired of being strong. I am weak and need some extra help and strength.
So ask for help, you will see God work more. Because it shows him, you trust him enough to go to him during your more critical times. You need GODs help. Don't ever be embarrassed to say Help me. God knows we are full of sin and don't have all the ability to handle what we go through. So when we say Help, he says I am here. He guides us to those who can help us work through our problems. He knows we are weak and he is strong. So are you ready today to say I need help. I want to learn that there is more positive than negative in life. God does offer hope, his name Jesus!
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
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